Category: Motivational

 By Andrew McPeak

 

Today’s blog is an excerpt from the upcoming book, “Ready for Real Life.” Be on the lookout for the upcoming pre-order of “Ready for Real Life” coming soon. 

 

For more than a decade now, we at Growing Leaders have been giving adults training and advice for how to best understand and engage their students. In this time, the gaps that exist between generations have only grown wider. Today, Generation Z presents a great challenge to teachers, parents, coaches, and leaders who feel like they just started to understand Millennials, the generation who came before Z. 

 

I’d like to use a simple acronym to present you with a handful of characteristics that reveal how Generation Z is different from previous generations who’ve come before them. Consider this “P.I.C.T.U.R.E.” to be something of a personal profile on the most important traits of the students we lead today. As we explore each characteristic, I will also give you a belief statement that goes along with each ideal. Some of these beliefs are so ingrained into Generation Z’s psyche that, though they believe them, they may not have spoken these statements out loud. 

 

Private 

Today, there is a massive difference between the moral panic around television in the 1960s or video games in the 2000s and the smartphones that are in the pockets of 95% of teenagers in the U.S. The difference is privatization and personalization. TV and even many cooperative video games are communal devices — ones that create a shared experience for all who are watching and playing. 

 

In contrast, today’s devices and profiles are customized to each individual — providing a place where they can explore, discover, and learn all on their own. Today, this is fueling many tweens and teens to create private spaces of self-expression like “Finstas” and Tumblr pages where they can create and share without needing to socialize those ideas or beliefs with others. 

Generation Z’s Belief: “I deserve a place to hide from the world.”

 

Irreverent

While the image of young people challenging systems, marching for rights, or protesting injustices is nothing new, today’s generation has elevated cultural disruption of the status quo as one of their highest values. Today’s young people who make up Generation Z are a part of the most diverse generation in history. Diversity is a term that not only reflects their racial and cultural make-up. They are also diverse in their perspectives — something that is both allowed for and perpetuated by their personalized devices. 

 

Youth are disrupting almost every industry and ideology, largely due to their desire to incite a more diverse and equitable society — a noble goal that certainly has had many positive effects. In many spaces, this disruption is being called “deconstruction.” Youth today are deconstructing everything from the definitions of words like “male” and “female,” to the expectations on employers for emotional support and workplace flexibility. Unsurprisingly, Generation Z shows a higher distrust in traditional institutions than any generation ever surveyed. 

Generation Z’s Belief: “I don’t have to follow anything I don’t believe.” 

 

Creative

A 2020 survey of 8–12-year-olds was conducted through a joint partnership of Harris Poll and LEGO® in the US, UK, and China to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the moon landing. Their goal was to ascertain how many kids were excited about space travel. “The survey,” however, “revealed that today’s children are three times more likely to aspire to be a YouTuber (29%) than an Astronaut (11%).” 

 

YouTube is now the most used social media platform among Generation Z, with 95% of respondents in a 2021 Pew Research survey saying they use the platform and 54% saying they use the platform “daily.” But Generation Z isn’t just watching; they are also creating. After watching amateur YouTube stars step into the realm of celebrity, Generation Z kids see creativity on social platforms as a path to both status and success. 

Generation Z’s Belief: “I can make something that goes viral.” 

 

Tense

While the anxiety epidemic first began appearing almost a decade ago, the global pandemic and rising expectations on youth today have made it difficult to function in daily life for the average student. The Mental Health in America research group found in 2022 that “15.08% of youth (age 12–17) report suffering from at least one major depressive episode in the past year,” a number that increased 1.24% from 2021. 

 

Years ago, we began hearing the term FOMO used to describe the feeling of not being able to live up to the perceived expectations of others — especially after spending time watching the perfected versions of other people’s lives on social media. Our focus groups with Generation Z further confirmed that Generation Z feels huge amounts of pressure to rise to the unrealistic expectations set by the world around them. 

Generation Z’s Belief: “I can’t live up to others’ expectations.” 

 

Unleashed

In generations past, kids were exposed to adult experiences and ideas gradually as they grew older and mature enough to handle them. Today, we unleash members of Generation Z into the world, or rather, we unleash the world onto them. At 10, 11, and 12 years old, children are given unfettered access to the world in many western countries. 

 

Exposure to graphic images of violence, sex, and lewd humor, as well as the oversimplification of political, religious, and philosophical ideas on small-minded platforms like TikTok and Twitter are causing undue harm. This early foray into the adult world is a key factor in youth stress, addiction, and may even be contributing to risky behavior in early teen life. 

Generation Z’s Belief: “I should have access to everything.” 

 

Restless

Years ago, I was speaking to a group of seventh graders in a focus group and a young girl shared something I’ll never forget. “I stay up about three hours past my bedtime,” she told me. “I mostly watch YouTube. I can’t really sleep until I do it.” One of the fascinating and unintended consequences of the exposure to unlimited media and the lack of barriers to access for most children is the rise of restlessness. 

 

Kids today get less sleep than previous generations. Rather than getting sleep, 12-year-olds today, like the one I met several years ago, consume media, take online quizzes, talk with friends, and expand their knowledge. While none of these things are wrong in and of themselves, these same activities become unhelpful and even harmful when they are happening at one a.m. 

Generation Z’s Belief: “I must keep up with everything.”

 

Entitled

The word entitled has been so weaponized against the next generation that I nearly left it off this list. Especially because, if I may state the obvious, we are all entitled today. The difference is that youth today only know a world with high-speed internet, live notifications, and two-day (and sometimes even two-hour) shipping. We expect the world to come to us how we want it and when we want it. The promise of the technological world is coming to fruition with each passing day, though we might now need to reframe our question. 

 

Rather than asking, “Have we made a better world?” we should ask, “Has our ‘better world’ made a better us?” Entitlement is the consequence of believing you can give a generation of kids what they want, when they want it, while simultaneously expecting them to gain all of the positive characteristics of a quality human being. 

Generation Z’s Belief: “I deserve to have what I want—now.”

 

Do you see any of these characteristics in the Generation Z students you are leading? In the comments, tell us what you are doing to address these beliefs.

 

This blog was an excerpt from Andrew McPeak’s upcoming book: “Ready for Real Life.” “Ready for Real Life” defines the five core soft skills all students need. Using compelling stories and practical ideas, this book shows how these five skills, though timeless in human history, are still relevant in the 21st century. The pre-order for “Ready for Real Life” will be launching soon.

 

The post A Clear P.I.C.T.U.R.E. of Generation Z appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Tim Elmore

 

Every year, both the media and social media reveal to us how our culture is evolving. From the shows people watch, to the awards programs people celebrate, to the broadcasts and podcasts people tune into, we have much to learn this year, just by observing the habits of American consumers. I have three observations below based on the data about these varied areas of life. 

 

Three Observations and What We Can Learn

 

Organic vs. Over-produced

Caring adult leaders (coaches, teachers, parents) often miss this value in today’s generation. Sporting events dominated TV ratings in 2022, claiming 94 of the top 100 broadcasts. The NFL claimed 82 of the top 100 spots with college football, the Kentucky Derby, the Olympics, and the World Cup rounding out the rest. Not a single scripted show was in the top 100 most-watched broadcasts of 2022. 

 

Do you see what this teaches us? Viewers tend to prefer raw and reality television instead of scripted, predetermined programming. They’ll choose organic over organized almost every time. Our classes, meetings, practices, and family time must feel authentic. We must strike a balance between organized and organic in our programs.

 

Segmented vs. Synthesized 

While we all have the freedom to consume a variety of content, because content is on-demand and instant-access today, people tend to find themselves in silos, segmented into an audience that continues to consume similar types of shows. We all know smart technology recognizes what we like and feeds us more of the same. The endless number of streaming services are driving us bankrupt $10 at a time while dividing Americans into different groups that can’t relate to one another. 

 

Let me explain why this is a problem. Conversations that include diverse points of view become harder; listening to opposing perspectives is more challenging. We must find a way to expose people (especially young people) to varying sides of an issue.

 

Interactive vs. Monologue  

Most of the world that Generation Z is exposed to is interactive: social media, video games, and messaging on portable devices. When those in charge only offer information that’s downloaded in one-way communication, they come across as antiquated. Today’s emerging generation is made up of people who are consumers and creators, simultaneously. People want experiences that feel like a dance, where they are led, but they also respond — allowing the experience to be partly up to them. 

 

It feels more personal because they weighed in. It was a volley, where content was served, but they responded. Reality TV shows have even learned this truth over time. Shows are now not only competitions, but they also allow viewers at home to vote and interact with the stars. Recognizing that youth support what they help create, we must find a way to give them a voice.

 

The Bottom Line? 

If you want your content or program to stick, ask your listeners to participate. They usually don’t want things to feel polished, but personal. They don’t seek perfection in our communication, but participation. It doesn’t need to feel refined, but real. People want it to feel like it’s theirs. 

 

Want to learn more about this topic? Come join us for our Next Generation Facilitator Certification training! This event equips parents, CEOs, and education professionals with tools to reach the rapidly growing generations of young adults. Over 3,000 Leadership enthusiasts have successfully completed this in-depth two-day training. Don’t miss your chance to purchase your ticket for this month’s event on March 27th. Get your tickets now! 

 

The post What Do We Learn About Culture from TV Viewing Habits? appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Andrew McPeak

 

Today’s blog is an excerpt from the upcoming book, “Ready for Real Life.” Be on the lookout for the upcoming pre-order of “Ready for Real Life” coming soon. 

 

A few years ago, I read a quote in a parenting magazine where a concerned author and parent voiced the fear that many parents have about the emergence of new technologies:

 

“Here is a device,” they wrote, “whose voice is everywhere. We may question the quality of its offering for our children, we may approve or deplore its entertainments and enchantments; but we are powerless to shut it out . . . it comes into our very homes and captures our children before our very eyes.” 

 

So, what is the device the author is so concerned about? It was the radio — a device whose growth rate in the early twentieth century rivaled even the adoption rate of the smartphone in the 2010s. Media outlets of the era were at the height of concern: 

 

A New York Times piece considered whether listening to the radio too much would harm children and lead to illnesses because the body needed “repose” and could not “be kept up at the jazz rate forever.” 

Concerns voiced by the Director of the Child Study Association of America noted how radio was worse than any media that came before because “no locks will keep this intruder out, nor can parents shift their children away from it.” 

 

It’s easy from our vantage point for quotes like these about a device so benign to seem silly, right? I mean, all of this panic… about the radio? But could not any of these quotes, with the change of a few simple words, begin to sound like the moral panic today around screen time? 

 

We Need a Better Solution to Screen Time

Not long ago, I was leading a question-and-answer time with a group of parents from a small-town community. Those concerned parents of TikTok-addicted students asked me about all kinds of solutions they wanted me to endorse for use in their home. Some wanted to ban their kids from devices; others wanted to install devices that shut down the Wi-Fi or blocked significant portions of the internet. While there are certainly times and places for these types of actions, I disappointed many a parent that day with my answer: blocking screens and social media cannot be our primary approach. 

 

“If students are going to recognize for themselves,” I argued that day, “that the cycle of positive and negative reinforcement on social media platforms isn’t conducive to an overall happy life, they are going to have to do it through the development of their own life skills.” 

If our goal is to help our students better manage their screen time, we don’t need a technology intervention; we need a life-skill revolution. We cannot hand them a better relationship with technology. They must chart their own course to better choices online. 

 

Our Students Need A Map

So, let’s imagine that your students were about to go on a multi-day hike in the woods all on their own (no adults allowed). The natural inclination you might have as their leader and mentor is to grab a map and plot out the exact route and timing of the trip. You’d choose the path, the stopping points, and the campsites. This sounds like a good idea, until you think about it. 

 

What happens if the students are slower than your plan? What if the path is obstructed and they must go around? Or worst of all, what happens if they get lost? If you’ve done all the planning, then they aren’t actually prepared for the journey. On a hiking trip, as in real life, the people going on the journey must be the ones to plot out the path. They must choose the destination and how they will get there. 

 

This is the most important truth of how we can best prepare our students to navigate all the challenging choices of adulthood coming their way: we can’t do it for them. And the longer we try to do it for them, the greater risk we run of them failing to learn how to navigate until they are already on the trail. 

 

In the language of “soft skills” that I use in my new book, Ready for Real Life, learning how to manage our own time and direct our own choices is a skill called “self-management.”

 

Building our student’s self-management skill is just like preparing them for their wilderness adventure. 

 

We start by asking: Where are you now?
Then we ask: Where would you like to go?
Next: What is the best path to get there?
Finally: Are you currently on that path, or do you need to make a change?

 

In answering these questions, a student will be forced to reckon with how they are spending their time and whether or not they are using their time wisely. 

 

A Great Way to Begin: Directive Barriers

One great strategy for beginning to build self-management in students is to control the access and anonymity of their screens with something I call “directive barriers.” Like the curtain in a BlockBuster video store blocking youth from distasteful titles, directive barriers are social boundaries that encourage young people to think twice before clicking. 

 

Here are five types of “directive barriers” you can use today.

 

1.Communal Accountability — Communal accountability is accomplished by ensuring consumption decisions aren’t made in private spaces. At home, kids should do their fun or school computing in daylight hours and/or general family areas. At school, computer labs should design layouts to make sure someone is always behind the kid in front of the screen. 

 

2. Social Contracts — A social contract is an eighteenth-century idea contrived by John Locke, the famous American philosopher. You can initiate your own social contract by asking students: “What kind of classroom do you want this to have this year?” Together, create a list of classroom expectations and values like “respect” and “kindness.” Finally, have students establish consequences if these social expectations are broken. Throughout the semester, both you and your students can simply hold one another accountable to the rules and accomplishments you created together — it’s a social contract.

 

3. Positive Exposure — When we try to impose our rules, goals, or opinions on our students, they are unlikely to adopt them. This is why a simple strategy to direct your students is to expose them to positive models of the kind of behavior you’d like to see. Once students are exposed to these role models, the behavior will be normalized for them. When I speak, I do this by telling students stories or showing them videos of students around their age who made positive choices.

 

4. Curated Content — Like a movie or museum, linear curated experiences are directive barriers that keep us focused and moving toward a productive, positive, and well-thought-out end. The best “curated experiences” are designed by trusted experts instead of anonymous influencers on the internet. Parents and teachers should encourage reading and push kids toward online experiences that are well designed and lead to positive outcomes.

 

5. Social Experiences — In socializing experiences like a movie theater, a Broadway show, or even around the family television, we naturally learn from the group what to laugh at, cry at, and be upset about. Today, media consumption often happens alone, allowing each of us to consume content without the accompanying social cues. Parents and teachers should create opportunities for group media experiences like family movie nights, or playing social games and cooperative video games.

 

Better use of our screen time starts not when we take away phones, block websites, or shutdown distractions. It comes when we teach students how to manage these distractions without us — when we hand them a map and empower them to take charge. Along the way, they will learn to say “no” to themselves, not because we said so, but because they know there is a better choice to be made. If we want to better manage screen time, building self-management skills in our students is our best chance for success. 

 

This blog was an excerpt from Andrew McPeak’s upcoming book: “Ready for Real Life.” “Ready for Real Life” defines the five core soft skills all students need. Using compelling stories and practical ideas, this book shows how these five skills, though timeless in human history, are still relevant in the 21st century. The pre-order for “Ready for Real Life” will be launching soon.

 

The post What If Our Kids Could Manage Their Own Screen Time appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Tim Elmore

 

I recently met with the faculty of a high-performing public high school. In our discussion, teachers mentioned how much parents got involved in their kids’ routines. At first, I assumed this was a positive remark, but later I recognized the type of parental engagement they referred to was not helpful at all. Every school enjoys parents who support their activities. Sadly, parent involvement today is taking on a very different form and tone: 

Distrust over what’s happening in class
Telling faculty how to do their job
Questioning the judgment of administrators 

 

One mother insisted on sitting in on each of her son’s classes every day. Another regularly emailed faculty members, coaching them on how to better encourage her daughter. (Keep in mind, her daughter is a teen.) Still another texted athletic coaches on how to coach their team. 

 

The New Trend in Parenting 

Today, I not only see a new generation of kids, I see a new generation of parents. In some ways, life is better, but in many ways, life is far worse. In the wake of the pandemic, many of us have shifted so significantly to protect kids from difficult, uncomfortable, or painful experiences that their arrested development will have a detrimental effect on their adult lives. In the name of compassion, we’ve become control freaks. 

 

Psychologists have a term for these caregivers. They are “over-functioning parents.” They mean well, but they intrude on the work that professionals do with their children. As a parent myself, I recall days when I wanted to make suggestions to my kids’ teachers, coaches, drama directors and principals. But I knew it would have an adverse effect on all parties, including my children. Discussing this with my friend, Gary Davison, a veteran high school principal, he shed some light on one possible explanation for over-functioning parents. He mused:

 

“I wonder if some are stealing the dopamine squirt from their kids by doing things for them.”

 

This may sound preposterous to some, but I think there’s a kernel of truth in Gary’s hypothesis.  Often, we love the satisfaction we feel when stepping in to make things right, correcting those teachers who don’t seem to get it, and smoothing the path for our children. On top of that, we’re scared for our kids. So much seems out of our control, and we’re not sure how to lead kids in today’s world of smart technology, predators, and distractions.  

 

After speaking at a parenting event, one mom approached me and said, “I know I shouldn’t be a helicopter parent, but it feels so good to me. It’s what I want. So, I’m going to keep doing it.”

 

This parenting style is about us, not our kids. It is a mild form of child abuse. 

 

Three Reminders to Stop Stealing from Our Kids

1. They don’t need us to do things for them. They need us to equip them to do things. 

One high school administrator told me that a parent called to request a class change for her daughter. When the administrator asked why, the parent replied, “My daughter’s former boyfriend is in her current class, and it’s hard for her.” 

 

While this is understandable, the parent’s request would only temporarily make things easier now, yet harder later for her daughter. The long-term answer for challenges is seldom to remove the stressors. Rather, it’s to equip our kids to manage them. My parents would have said to me: “This is your chance to learn how to navigate difficult situations.” They would have shown empathy, but they would not remove the problem for me, knowing that if they did, they would leave me ill-equipped for the future.  

 

2. They don’t need us for information. They need us for interpretation. 

A school principal let me know that parents of his students consistently give the answers to their kids—for homework, for hacking tests, and for extracurricular activities. Once again, this helps students in the short run, but fails to teach teens self-reliance. 

 

Kids no longer need adults to get information. Thanks to Google, Siri and Alexa, they can access information anywhere, at any time. Instead, kids need us for interpretation. We must help them make sense of all they know by providing a schema to filter input and furnish a worldview that enables them to see the big picture. Our end goal should not be to teach them what to think; we must teach them how to think. When they consume content, we must help them gain the context. This is what Generation Z and the Alpha Generation desperately need.

 

3. They don’t need us to control them. They need us to connect with them. 

Let’s face it: we will never be able to control the attitude of a teenager. That’s a myth. We can, however, seek connection with a teen, and thereby deepen our influence. Connection at the heart level is what they want and need most from those in charge. Influence and trust come via relationship, not rules. When there’s a trusting relationship, most teens make decent choices. If we demonstrate that we genuinely want to know them and that we want to authentically trust them, they usually lean into the relationship.

 

I read recently on social media, “The problem is: anyone can have kids, but less than half are able to raise them well.” This is frequently because we’ve not taken the time or made the effort to build a bridge by crafting a relationship that can bear the weight of honest conversation. 

 

It’s time to stop stealing the satisfaction of achievement from our kids and let them show us what they can do. Twenty years ago, President Bush said it best: “When it comes to our kids, we’ve been guilty of the soft bigotry of low expectations.”

 

 

The post How Parents Steal from Their Kids appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Tim Elmore

 

Like most mothers, my wife shared a common objection when our kids were teens. She’d make requests of them, repeatedly, but get no response. To be clear, our daughter and son were not hearing impaired, nor did they have ADHD. It seemed they had selective hearing skills:

 

They often did not hear the words clean up your room or put your dishes in the sink.
They usually did hear the words we’re getting ice cream or we’re going to Disney World.

 

Similarly, educators tell me that three months into the semester, their students often don’t hear instructions accurately. It’s as if they are tuning in and out of discussions. Whether at home or at school, we frequently chalk this up to teen rebellion or teen apathy. During those strange years of adolescence, students can rebel against the norms they’ve been taught. New research, however, reveals something else happening in their brains during adolescence that parents and teachers should know. 

 

What Current Research Reveals about the Teen Brain

Stanford behavioral scientist Percy Mistry and his team conducted functional MRI scans of teen brains, ages 13-16 ½. During the scans, they played recordings of the participant’s mother as well as other voices the participant did not know. Earlier, the research team conducted a similar study on younger children, ages 7-12. They hoped to discover how a child’s brain might respond to these voices, depending on their age. 

 

What did they discover?

 

When the younger children’s brains identified their mother’s familiar voice, it triggered all sorts of responses beyond that of merely hearing, including reward centers and emotion processing regions. When the teenagers were studied, however, their brains responded differently. The teen brains showed a stronger response to unfamiliar voices, triggered by intrigue and curiosity. The teen brain began processing rewards and assigning social value to the new voices more than familiar ones. The researchers concluded that this change helps teenagers develop socially and form connections with people outside of their families. As a teen matures, their brain naturally pays attention to new voices; it’s a way of growing up and becoming their own person. It may not be rebellion at all. It may simply be that they are becoming their own person.

 

So, how can teachers and parents leverage this neuroscience to guide their young?

 

What Can We Do about This?

Recognizing this reality enables caring adults to utilize the intrigue of a teen brain to connect with valuable yet unfamiliar voices. For a while, a teacher will have a unique, unfamiliar voice with students and can reinforce important values that a parent can only hope to communicate to their teen. As our kids grew into their teen years, for instance, we built close relationships with their teachers. One attended my daughter’s birthday party. One of my son’s teachers came to several of his community theatre shows. Those connections served a great purpose.

 

We were a team of unified adults investing in our teens. It really does take a village. 

 

When our kids turned 13, we arranged a team of mentors for them. Our daughter and I chose six women that would be short-term mentors for her that year. We picked people she was curious to get to know and who we (her parents) knew to be marvelous role models. In short, she thought they were “cool,” and we respected their lifestyle. That year, those unfamiliar voices reinforced important messages in her life. They got through to her with key values that we had taught her but felt less effective at relaying to her ourselves during those formative years. 

 

My son and I participated in a group of fathers and sons for a year and a half. Five dads and five boys, all 13 years old, met with significant people, including an athlete, business owner, football coach, pastor, and military officer. Once again, the interactions were meaningful and fresh to the ears and minds of those boys, even though their messages usually echoed the life lessons they’d heard in their earlier years. 

 

When our kids were in their teen years, we arranged trips for them to meet with someone who served in a profession in which they were interested. They had the opportunity to interview these adults they admired and draw upon their insights and wisdom. They became “spot mentors” for our kids, as we utilized their voices to reach our teens.

 

Since our teens’ brains are already on high alert to connect with new voices, why not take advantage of this? What’s most satisfying about this idea? You can be on both sides of this reality. Because I serve as a mentor and teacher for young people, my kids saw me meeting with several of their peers. One day, my daughter surprised me by sitting in on a discussion. Later, when I asked her why she listened in, she explained, “I guess I’m listening because I noticed that my friends tell me they like you and they listen to you. I don’t want to miss out on what they’re getting.” 

 

Let’s not miss this developmental milestone in students’ lives. Let’s leverage our village.

 

 

The post Assembling a Team of Voices to Reach Your Teens appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Tim Elmore

 

The numbers keep climbing. Both adults and students are suffering from anxiety levels that are worse than any period we’ve ever seen, including the Great Depression. More than 8 in 10 students admit to struggling with anxiety or depression on a regular basis, and adults report numbers have jumped from 11 percent in 2019 to 41 percent in 2021. More than 8 in 10 adults say that COVID-19 was causing significant stress in their lives. Further, 87 percent say the economy is a source of high stress and anxiety for them.

 

In 2018, Barnes and Noble, America’s largest book retailer, announced a huge surge in the sales of books on anxiety. “We may be living in an anxious nation,” they reported. 

 

Celebrities like Justin Bieber, Michael Phelps, Oprah Winfrey and Simone Biles have all come out about their anxiety issues and even taken a break because of them.

 

Approximately 26 percent of males and 40 percent of females will develop an anxiety disorder during their lifetime.

 

One anxiety victim described it: “When it’s bad, it feels like an electric current building up inside of me and it’s going to shoot out of me, except it doesn’t, which is worse.” 

 

Newsweek Journalist Dan Hurley writes, “Anxiety has become so widespread—and, to many Americans, downright disabling—that in September the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force, an independent panel of experts in primary care and preventative medicine, recommended that all adults under age 65 get screened for the condition, which could bring much-needed treatments to many more people.”

 

This has become almost impossible to manage. Or, has it?

 

Science Has a Fresh Strategy to Treat Anxiety 

Fortunately, science has made great strides toward addressing anxiety. So has social science. These two elements may just be our solution to successfully treating our anxiety. While I am not against medication, the reviews on many of them are mixed at best, including cannabis. In September, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force created a list of recommendations to address anxiety. Below I offer a digest of steps from their findings.

 

1. Anxiety Thermometers: We must evaluate our level of anxiety. 

We must begin by realizing that some anxiety is normal. Our world is complex and it’s very appropriate to feel concerned about its state. This is what moves us to respond. If we felt nothing, we’d do nothing. Some doctors recommend using an “anxiety thermometer.” This is simply a questionnaire to assess our level of angst and see how close to normal it is. Are we paralyzed by it, or do we feel an appropriate level to act? Not all anxiety is dangerous. It’s only when worry impairs your ability to function that trouble surfaces. 

 

2. Anxiety Foundations: We must recognize our family history.

Science also has uncovered the fact that our DNA origins can give us a predisposition for battles with anxiety or depression. In other words, it’s nothing we have done; it’s something inside of us that makes us vulnerable to this challenge. Knowing this can empower a person to take healthy steps that begin at the right place, where expectations are neither too low or too high. Kids can be sensitive, worrisome or inhibited, and then challenged to act and address those fears appropriately. This lowers the risk levels of anxiety attacks. 

 

3. Anxiety Inhibitors: We must practice reciprocal leadership. 

Science has discovered that how parents raise an anxiety-prone child can make a huge difference in how they mature. Ironically, the children whose parents try the hardest to protect their sensitive natures are the very ones whose anxiety is likely to grow and persist. An amazing study by Dr. Nathan Fox, for example, found that just placing shy, inhibited kids in preschool can help them grow out of their anxiety disposition. Nine in 12 kids whose parents exclusively cared for them at home during the first two years of life remained shy and inhibited as they aged. Caring adults must help kids grow by addressing their fears, not playing into them.

 

4. Anxiety Conquerors: We must run to the roar. 

Today, leading doctors are not quickly resorting to long-term therapy or medication as the treatment of anxiety. They now recommend a relatively shorter-term therapy that enables kids to confront what makes them anxious, rather than shrink from it. At the risk of oversimplifying, caring adults should lead with a combination of empathy and encouragement, helping kids to face their fears. As for medications, most experts now advise against so-called “anti-anxiety” drugs, strangely enough, because of their side effects. Antidepressants work far better. Most of the solution they say, however, is actually facing fears methodically and overcoming them.

 

The bottom line? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Therapy (ET) are science’s first line of defense. Learn to think differently and move toward what makes you anxious. 

Wayne Dyer said it succinctly: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” The only way out is through.

 

 

The post A Fresh Strategy for Students to Beat Anxiety appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Tim Elmore

 

I could hardly believe my ears. Six freshmen college students participated in a conversation I hosted informally on their campus. I brought up the popularity of Instagram accounts, and they immediately smiled, as if they had a secret they were keeping from me. When I asked why they were smiling, two of them chimed in, saying, “We’re no longer on Instagram.” This simple comment turned out to be a wider opinion. Most of those late teens were no longer posting on Instagram and were now mostly on TikTok and Snapchat. 

 

This was news to me.

 

The Atlantic recently published an article about this move off Instagram. One article told the story of two New York subway commuters joking with each other, “Does she have Instagram? Does anyone? I don’t even have it on my phone anymore.”

 

Such is the trend of today’s emerging generation. Originally, high school and college students were on Facebook. Then, their parents and grandparents got on, and they got off, migrating mostly to Instagram. Now that adults and businesses are interacting and marketing on the site, Millennials and members of Generation Z are rejecting the commercialized and paternalized platform. As recently as two years ago, moving away from Instagram would have been unheard of. Now, it’s happening daily. In fact, a recent Piper Sandler survey found that of 14,500 teens surveyed across 47 states, only 20 percent named Instagram their favorite social media platform (TikTok came first, followed by Snapchat).

 

What’s Going On?

 

Just last year, The New York Times reported that Instagram was privately nervous about attracting and retaining the new young users that would sustain its long-term growth, not to mention capitalize on the growing spending potential they have. 

 

Let’s break down why this move is occurring and what’s happening. Instagram is not likely on its deathbed, but its spiral downward from “cool” to “cringe” represents a sea of change in the social media ecosystem. Here are some thoughts that inform our leadership.

 

When and Why a Social Media Platform Gets Popular

 

1. Young users want authenticity over performance. 

At first, almost every new social media app begins as a place to connect with friends and family. Remember the early days of Facebook? Unfortunately, over time, social media platforms evolve into places to perform instead of connect. We post so we can get views, likes and shares. So, we post more outrageous photos or videos. People sense the shift, realizing the information isn’t real—it’s a show. If you want to attract young people, you must work to remain authentic. The content and vibe must feel genuine and personal, not driven by algorithms, technological prompts or selfish motivations. 

 

2. Young users want you to communicate, not monetize.

The moment a social media platform crosses a line, allowing stakeholders to monetize it, they usually begin their spiral downward as young users begin exiting. Think television. People walk away during commercials. The Atlantic reports, “Lavish brand deals, in which an influencer promotes a brand’s product to their audience for a fee, have been known to pay anywhere from $100 to $10,000 per post, depending on the size of the creator’s following and their engagement. Now Tilghman, who became an Instagram influencer in 2015 and at one point had close to 400,000 followers, says she’s seen her rate go down by 80 percent over the past five years. The market’s just oversaturated.” 

 

3. Young users want engagement, not transactions. 

This is not just an Instagram problem. Facebook and Snapchat are also suffering, not to mention Twitter. Any time users begin to expect the exchange online to be merely transactional, the entire tone changes and the level of engagement declines. Some social media influencers commented on this reality. Many of them admit if they were to really engage with people personally—not to promote something—it would require them to get a private, personal account. Hmmm. Interesting. The reason most of their followers began following such influencers was that they felt the original account was a personal one. But life changes. Now, the platform is in charge; artificial intelligence dictates behavior.

 

One more thought. What I’ve just discussed about Instagram is also true about our interactions with young people face to face. They long for personal, genuine contact with others. They don’t always know how to initiate that, but it’s the desire of their heart. Let’s launch this for them.

 

The post The Shift Away From Instagram and Why It’s Happening appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Andrew McPeak

 

Growing up, David Aguilar was obsessed with LEGOs. Like many kids he would build creations utilizing his imagination, but unlike many kids David was building to solve a specific problem: he had been born with only one hand. 

David was born with a specific genetic condition called Poland Syndrome, which caused his right arm below the elbow to not fully develop at birth. His condition made growing up difficult because of how different he felt from other kids. LEGOs became both an outlet and a potential solution to his problem. What if he could build himself an arm to replace the one he didn’t have? His first attempt at 9 years old functioned, but wasn’t strong enough, and so he came back to the problem a few years later. At age 18 he got access to LEGO Technic, a stronger version of the blocks that he was finally able to use to create his first functional arm. His first working version was strong enough for him to do a push-up. His second version included a battery to help him lift heavier objects. 

You probably won’t be surprised to learn that today David is finishing his degree in bioengineering at the International University of Catalunya in Barcelona, Spain. His mission? To create affordable prosthetics for everyone who needs one. 

 

What Does It Take to Be Successful in School?

So, let me make perhaps an odd statement. I believe David’s remarkable story is possible not only because of his intelligence, but also because of his social and emotional skills. Why? Because David’s story of success includes failure. On his first go-round not everything worked, so he had to try again. 

Recent studies have actually shown that the same social and emotional skills that drove David’s success are shared by students around the world who do well in school. 

The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development conducted a survey of more than 3,000 students from large cities in 11 countries, including the United States, Helsinki, Finland, China, and Russia. The study wanted to try and find connections in students between academic performance and social and emotional skills. The social and emotional skills they measured covered five distinct areas: Task performance (such as persistence and self-control), Emotional regulation (such as optimism and reaction to stress), Collaboration (like empathy and trust), Open-mindedness (such as tolerance, curiosity, and creativity), and Engagement with others (such as assertiveness and sociability). Remarkably, their study showed that two SEL skills in particular showed strong correlation to high performance in both mathematics and reading. These two skills were curiosity (connected to open-mindedness) and persistence (connected to task performance). 

The findings of this study, which match others done in the last several decades, are so remarkable because they challenge our baseline assumptions about what it takes to succeed in school. Many of our schools, classrooms, and programs are set up with the belief that there are two kinds of kids: normal kids and smart kids. But what if the biggest separator between kids who succeeded in school wasn’t based on intelligence, but was instead based on a student’s academic curiosity and their persistence when faced with a challenging task?

 

Four Ideas to Help Cultivate Curiosity and Persistence in Our Students

So, if curiosity and persistence are so important to our student’s success in school, how do we cultivate them? For years, we have spoken at Growing Leaders about soft skills like muscles. This is good news for parents, teachers, leaders and coaches. Just like a muscle, curiosity and persistence can be built. Let’s look at four practices great leaders utilize to develop these two social and emotional skills in students: 

 

Idea #1: Give Them Margin

Albert Einstein made some of his biggest discoveries not at school or at work, but at home, while walking, or having a cup of tea. Isaac Newton developed his laws of motion and gravity during a year “quarantined” at home while the Black Plague was ravaging Europe. Simply creating space for students without the distractions of screens or assignments can cultivate passion and insights. This might be the most simplistic idea on the list, but it may also be the most powerful. People with no margin in their day cannot access their creativity and cannot open themselves to new ways of thinking about old things.

 

Idea #2: Allow Students to Practice Self-Directed Learning

The students you lead today have likely been told what to do their entire life. Whether by parents, coaches, social media platforms, shopping sites, or even previous teachers, the vast majority of young people today don’t get a lot of time for self-direction. This is why leaders looking to give students opportunities to develop curiosity and persistence should try giving their students goals without giving them directions. While it will likely be a painful transition at first, students who learn to teach themselves will build vital skills to prepare them for the 21st century workplace.

 

Idea #3: Allow Students to Choose Their Own Interesting Problems

Another great idea to cultivate curiosity and persistence is to allow students additional agency when tackling papers and assignments. Many studies have shown that when students are allowed to work on a problem that is interesting to them, they are far more likely to work longer, harder, and enjoy the process. 

 

Idea #4: Celebrate Failures as Often as Success

The final idea here is more about the culture of the classroom environment you are trying to create. Students today are growing up with FOMU, or “Fear of Messing Up.” Our world of always-on cameras and live commentary often makes students feel like any minor screwup can be catastrophic. Why not set the tone for students to fail forward by creating a culture that celebrates failure? Remind students that every failure is a lesson and that no one great ever succeeded without first failing. 

 

The Power of Curiosity and Persistence

David Aguilar has taken what he’s learned public. In the summer of 2020 he finished the “MK-V,” the fifth and most advanced version of his prosthetic arm. Rather than keeping this invention to himself, he published a video showing the designs and giving instructions to others on how to build one for themselves. But David didn’t stop there. After receiving an email from a loving mom, David set out to meet her son: little Beknur. 

Beknur is a young boy who suffers from a similar condition as David, but rather than just missing one appendage, Beknur is missing all of them. In the place of his arms and legs, he has small functional digits. Beknur’s mom reached out to David to see if he could help; and that’s exactly what he did. 

In 2021, David and Beknur met and David unveiled for him his own LEGO arm. If you want to watch the video, you can here. It will make your day. 

What I love about David and Beknur’s story is that it once again tells the tale of how young people change the world. When we empower our students with skills like curiosity and persistence, we aren’t just helping them with their test scores. We are giving them a gift that will inspire them to solve problems and serve people around them.

 

The post Two Important Social And Emotional Skills for Academic Success appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Tim Elmore

You may have never heard the Betty Robinson story, but it’s worth knowing. It informs our work with students today. Betty was a kid who grew up a hundred years ago in Riverdale, Illinois. In high school, she had to catch a train to her campus, quite literally. One day, she found herself running on the platform as the train took off, and a teacher looked out the window to see her. He smirked, thinking to himself: that poor girl will never catch this train. The next thing he knew, Betty sat down next to him. She had outrun the train.

 

This teacher was also the school track coach. He quickly changed Betty’s life forever.

 

Mr. Price invited Betty to join the boy’s track team, and she soon became the fastest athlete on that team. In fact, in her first competition, she broke a world record. Later, when Coach Price took Betty to a larger track meet, she went up against Helen Filkey—the world record holder in that event—and finished second. Not bad, but she didn’t like second place. She liked to win. So, she kept pushing herself. Betty beat Helen the next time they met. In 1928, this high school junior qualified for the Amsterdam Olympics, the first games to allow women to compete. She showed the world what she could do, winning a gold medal. The first ever by a woman.

 

Then, tragedy struck.

 

In 1931, Betty was in a small plane crash. She appeared to be dead, so medics took her to the undertaker instead of the hospital. While there, she flinched. She was alive. After arriving at the hospital, the prognosis was bad. She likely wouldn’t live, but if she did, she’d never walk again. They were wrong. It took her two years, but Betty walked again. Upon her release, one of her legs was a half inch shorter than the other, which made running almost impossible. She couldn’t even kneel at the starting blocks. But Betty was no ordinary person. She would not give up on her dream to compete and win. 

 

Over time, she had an epiphany. The one event she could compete in was the relay race, where she would not have to bend over; she must simply grab a baton and run like the wind. It was a miracle, but Betty Robinson competed again in the Berlin Olympics in 1936, with Adolf Hitler looking on. 

 

Betty and the U.S. team won the gold medal.

 

A Picture of Grit and Growth

So, what does Betty Robinson teach us? At least five big ideas for how grit is developed.  

 

1.Grit grows when necessity demands it.

As a teen, Betty Robinson had to ride a train to school. When she ran late, it required her to push herself to catch it. She found herself literally catching that train as a necessity. This regular necessity gave her the rehearsal she needed to embody grit as a natural trait in her life. 

What activities do you insert into each day that foster students in growing grit?

 

2. Grit grows in the presence of fierce competition. 

When Coach Price saw her run, he asked her to compete against the boys’ track team, and then Helen Filkey, and later international champions. This regular competition with them provided the grind to deepen her grit and the resilience she needed for later. 

Can you create healthy competition that helps students deepen grit in your context?

 

3. Grit grows when there’s a huge aspiration. 

We seldom develop grit or resilience unless we have a captivating goal in front of us; a reason to push ourselves beyond our comfort zone. The 1928 Olympic games gave Betty an aspiration to reach for, which furnished inspiration to reach new heights of performance.  

Are there any huge targets that capture students’ imagination in your environment?

 

4. Grit grows when adversity is introduced.

Adversity and harsh conditions are an incubator for grit. In such conditions, we crumble or we improve. What’s the phrase? What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Betty’s plane crash was another stepping-stone to recovery and deeper resilience.  

What appropriate adversity or hardship is present in your context for students to face?

 

5. Grit grows when we must adapt to a new opportunity. 

Betty’s story comes to a climax when it appears her running days are over. She finds a way to re-enter the Olympic games by identifying a new event in which she can participate. Her adaptability enabled her to expand her ability. The 1936 relay team is a prime example. 

How are students required to regularly adapt to reach their goal?

 

Betty’s edge was not just her speed but her strategy. It was not just her athleticism, but her adaptability. It wasn’t just about talent but tenacity. What did Betty Robinson encounter along the way? Going unnoticed for fifteen years; being laughed at by naysayers who felt she didn’t belong; competing against experienced athletes; a tragedy that should’ve ended her life, then enduring wheelchairs and rehab for two years. These were only interruptions along the way.

 

Betty teaches us interruptions can be introductions to a new way to reach your goal. 

 

Growing Leaders now has a new event for faculty, coaches and school administrators called: Growing Grit in Students. If your school sees the need to develop resilience in students, contact us to schedule this training event on your campus. 

 

The post What Can Betty Robinson Teach Students about Grit? appeared first on Growing Leaders.

By Tim Elmore

One of the best decisions my parents made was during the summer of my eleventh year. I begged them to let me go to Bobby Leonard’s Sports Camp, one state over, and three hours away. I pestered them long enough to convince them it was a good idea. 

 

My parents dropped me off on Sunday and were expected to pick me up the following Saturday. The place was beautiful, with baseball diamonds, basketball courts, and football fields. At first it looked like heaven, but by Monday night, I was begging my mom and dad to let me come home. 

 

I was homesick. 

 

My parents handled this problem brilliantly. They listened to my complaint, empathized with my feelings, even recalled times when they felt homesick as kids. Then, however, they didn’t merely acquiesce. They told me that before they drove three hours to rescue me, I should give it another day or two. We could talk once each night, but they wisely taught me that learning to power through negative emotions was good for my growth. They said if I felt the same way on Wednesday—they’d drive over to get me. 

 

Whew! We met in the middle. I had a game plan for a solution, but I also had the opportunity to grow. And that’s what happened. By Wednesday, our phone conversation was different. I had made some friends, enjoyed the daily competitions, and loved the laughter at nighttime in our bunks. I ended up staying. 

Everyone won because my parents didn’t surrender to me. Instead, they taught me.

 

We’re Living in a Different Day

I spoke to the Executive Director of a summer camp in August. The summer was over and so were the weeklong camps. The summer felt long because his patience fell short. When I asked what made this summer so hard, his answer surprised me.

 

This director was most concerned about the number of campers who left early. 

 

A disproportionate number of kids had requested and received an early departure. They were rescued by parents. Why? One camper complained that a cabin-mate told her the shampoo she used was a bad brand. She felt bullied. Another camper wanted to come home because a fellow camper said she shouldn’t wear “that” shirt with “those” shorts. It hurt her feelings. Still another complained that fellow campers didn’t share their hammock one afternoon. 

 

In each case, parents swooped in to save the day. 

 

My question is: Are caring adults often part of the reason young people aren’t learning problem-solving skills, resilience, and resourcefulness? Do we sabotage delayed gratification? Could it be that grit and growth are stunted because we risk too little and we rescue too quickly?

 

Cultivating Growth and Grit in Today’s Students

From a biological standpoint, a teenager’s brain is bit of a train wreck. First, it’s low in myelin, the coating that allows various regions to communicate with one another. Next, the prefrontal cortex is developing at warp speed, so topics that a child once took for granted—like believing their parents know what they’re talking about—now seem ripe for reevaluation. Finally, in addition to acting on seemingly every impulse, a teen is programmed to break away from their parents. This is natural and healthy, but that doesn’t make it any easier for a parent or teacher. 

 

We want to rescue. We are nurturers. We want them to be comfortable, safe, and happy. But we must teach them to be resilient too.

 

Four Ideas to Teach Delayed Gratification

 

1.Follow the 48-hour rule.

This combats the urge to impulse buy or to react to something in the heat of the moment. It’s wise for students to follow the 48-hour rule, which means they delay a purchase or a reaction for two days if it’s non-essential. Waiting almost always helps kids restore a sense of logic to their minds and calms their emotional reactions. David’s son Nick asked him to buy a portable device one day, but David was trying to build in him an ability to delay gratification. So, David bought the device, but told Nick he’d hold on to it so his son could pay installments on it. This was a longer wait than 48 hours, and it built in Nick an incredible skill to wait gratefully for what he received.

 

2. Invite a confidant to hold them accountable.

gain an ability to delay gratification when I invite accountability in my life. Each year, I find people I respect and trust deeply to confide in. As I talk over the choices in front of me, I know my accountability partner will be honest with me about my artificial rationale. Author Jonathan Haidt says our brains work like a rider on top of an elephant. The rider is our rational mind; the elephant is our subconscious impulses. Although the rider tells the elephant where to go, the elephant is larger and tends to go wherever it wishes. At this point, the rider rationalizes a poor decision to make it feel logical. Confidants spot this, and can hold students accountable.

 

3. Make the uncomfortable choice.

Emotions can be unpredictable, but they’re connected to our decision-making. Humans are wired to find shortcuts, to seek pleasure, and to find the path of least resistance. We naturally look for comfort zones. To deepen their grit, challenge teens to choose the less comfortable path when faced with a fork in the road. To be honest, I notice I tend to do easy, quick, or fun things first rather than first things first. If teens do what is hard, not what is easy, they’ll find their grit expands. If they’ll embrace the uncomfortable, it will soon become more comfortable.

 

4. Think long-term, think big picture, finish what you start.

I can delay gratification if I think about what’s best for my long-term future. When I think about what I want down the road, I find it easier to see a larger vision. I’m wiser when facing hardships. Kids must not give up what they want most for what they want now. My wife and I had our kids choose one activity each season and finish it. Setting and completing a goal is a surefire way to delay gratification. I have found the further out we can see, the better the choice we’ll make.

 

NBA legend Lebron James is doing something I assumed was not possible. He’s attempting to be an assistant coach of his sons’ high school basketball team. He’s not doing this to intrude on the boys’ lives. He’s doing it to stay involved in their teenage years and to ensure they work hard when they might be given a break because of their last name. He’s sitting at the end of the bench, grabbing water or towels for the players during timeouts, and cheering them on. At practice, however, he’s working to make sure they’re building grit. I love this goal. We must stay involved in students’ lives not to rescue them, but to prepare them for a successful life. 

The post Four Ideas to Help Today’s Kids Delay Gratification appeared first on Growing Leaders.