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11,305 votes and 599 comments so far on Reddit
I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra-194802 in r/relationship_advice
trigger warning: potential grooming
I walked in on my son having sex with my brother’s wife – 13 July 2020
I (44F) walked in on my son (18M) having sex with my sister in law (34F)(brothers wife) in a cabin and I think they have been having sex for a while.
My brother(37M) moved in with us in February with his wife and 2 children, my husband(44M) and I have big house on a farm (my husband is a farmer) and with everyone working from home we thaught it would be a good chance to stay together as family and for my nieces to spend time on the farm. I have 3 children and all of them live with us the oldest is 18M and the other two are 16F and 13F.
On the day my brother arrived I went to buy groceries with my son and he went to the pharmacy to get his gym supplements and I baught the food. I saw condoms in my sons plastic bag when we arrived at the house two packs with 36 condoms each so 72 in total( didn’t think anything of it thaught he had gotten a GF and wanted to be safe). Everything was fine every one got along my SIL and son would go on an early run around the farm everything seemed normal until last month when they left on their run but I was up baking and I never saw them make any rounds around the farm which was weird, I asked about it and they said they decided to hit the road (i thaught nothing of this everything seemed normal). My SIL and son seemed to have a very good bond.
Yesterday I was coming from a friend’s house early in the morning the Sun wasn’t up yet and it was little dark but I saw that the cabin we have in the farm was open and the light was on (I thaught maybe one of the employees had forgotten to lock up), so I went to close the door and switch off the light as I got closer I heard people having sex and I took a peak and it was my son and SIL having sex, I didn’t confront them I was so in shock.
I still haven’t told anyone what I saw and I don’t know what to do, should I confront them, should I tell my brother, should I tell my husband I’m so confused. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m sure they have been having sex for a while from the condoms (my son was always at the house never brought a GF), the morning runs around the farm( do they really go on a run or do they have sex), the close relationship.
[Update] I walked in on my son having sex with my brother’s wife – 15 July 2020
I first want to thank everyone for all the advice I got from my original post, im sorry for not replying to any comments, (I think I only replied to one comment) my head was all over the place. I’ll try to keep this update short.
As was suggested by many of the comments I decided to tell my husband first and proceed from there, my husband lost it(he first thaught it was a joke). We talked about the issue and we decided we should first talk to our son before telling my brother.
We confronted our son with what I saw, he already knew what was going on as he saw my reddit post and put 2 and 2 together, he didn’t deny anything he confessed, he told us him and SIL have been having sex since February last year( he was 17 at the time). My son said it started on SIL’s birthday party he attended they got drunk and had sex in a bathroom and they have been meeting at hotels ever since and sneaking off at family gatherings.
After my son’s confession my husband just lost it and told my son to leave the house and go and to our condo in town as he didn’t want to see him in front of him at this moment. When my son was gone my husband stormed into my brother’s room and told my brother everything( SIL was not in the house at that moment).
My brother lost it and packed his stuff took the kids and left, he asked where my son had gone he said he wanted to teach him lesson, we didn’t tell him and he eventually left. SIL didn’t return I think my brother might have called her or my son warned her and she is afraid to come back(her things are still in the house).
In all the screaming and shouting my daughter’s heard everything and are devastated that their family might be ruined they miss their brother and are afraid my husband won’t ever let him in the house again.( my husband hates all forms of infidelity to the core and has always drilled this in our 2 eldest children that they must never cheat on anyone or be in a relationship with someone in a relationship)
I know I did nothing wrong in this but how will I ever look my brother in the eye again, he won’t answer and calls or text my husband said i should give him time to heal. My son has left the condo because he is afraid of what my brother will do to him and is now hiding at a friend’s and he won’t tell us which friend. No word on SIL.
INFO: SIL was the one who initiated sex the first time my son and her slept together, she was the one booking hotel rooms, buying my son dinners and lunches, my son was even receiving an allowance from her.
Reminder – I am not the original poster.
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Even if Congress succeeds in averting a shutdown, it’s a good idea for businesses to anticipate supply chain snags anyway.
Thousands of demonstrators erupt in rare protests against COVID-19 restrictions across China.
Protests are erupting across China over the country’s restrictive zero-COVID policies.
Public-health experts say the policies are unsustainable, ineffective, and unnecessarily severe.
Without vaccination campaigns targeting older adults, China’s lockdowns may only delay a catastrophic COVID wave.
Protestors are flooding streets across China — the largest protests since 1989’s Tiananmen Square demonstrations — demanding relief from the country’s restrictive zero-COVID lockdowns, and public-health experts agree with them.
“There really are no benefits to this type of irrational policy except to feed the naked power lust of the leaders of China,” Amesh Adalja, a senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins University Center for Health Security, told Insider in an email.
A woman delivers food to a residential compound that is under lockdown in Beijing, China.
Thomas Peter/Reuters
China’s zero-COVID measures are among the strictest in the world and include frequent mass testing, closures of businesses and schools, and quarantining entire factories and stores on-site, according to the BBC. Public anger boiled over on Thursday after a fire in the locked-down city of Urumqi killed 10 people, reports The New York Times.
People leave flowers and candles in protest over COVID-19 restrictions in mainland China, during a commemoration of the victims of a fire in Urumqi, in Hong Kong.
Tyrone Siu/Reuters
There is no easy way forward for China, but constant 2020-style lockdowns are not the solution, according to public-health experts, who called the policies unsustainable, ineffective, and irrational. Eradicating COVID-19 is impossible, they say.
“Zero COVID is about elimination rather than mitigation of this virus. It’s too late to eliminate. The cat is out of the bag. COVID is here to stay,” Maureen Miller, an infectious-disease epidemiologist at Columbia University, told Insider via email.
People talk through gaps in a barrier at a sealed residential area, following a COVID-19 outbreak in Shanghai, China.
Aly Song/Reuters
In reality, lockdowns are “pause buttons,” Jennifer Nuzzo, director of the Pandemic Center at Brown University School of Public Health, told Insider. “They’re supposed to buy time to build up immunity in the population through vaccines,” she said.
China is buying time and then squandering it, experts say, with the potential for a devastating wave of infections looming on the horizon. In the meantime, people across China have grown tired of restrictions.
The most vulnerable people in China — aged 80 years and older — are not well-vaccinated.
“If you look at the prevalence of vaccinations among the elderly, that it was almost counterproductive, the people you really needed to protect were not getting protected,” Dr. Anthony Fauci, President Biden’s chief medical adviser, said about China on NBC’s Meet the Press on Sunday.
In China, 59% of people age 80 and older have received one dose of the vaccine, according to data from the Chinese National Health Commission reported by BBC. Roughly half of that age group received two vaccine doses and 20% have gotten two shots plus a booster.
A person walks past a poster encouraging older people to get vaccinated against COVID-19 in Beijing, China.
Tingshu Wang/Reuters
Vaccination rates among 60- to 69-year-olds in China are higher than among the 80 and older set, with 89% having received one dose of the vaccine, and 87% having gotten two doses, according to the National Health Commission data.
In the US, 95% of adults 65 and older have received at least a first vaccine dose, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and 92% are fully vaccinated.
As a result, some experts fear an unchecked wave of Omicron infections could easily rip through China’s cities, overwhelm healthcare systems, and cause mass death.
“Even if it is slightly less lethal than earlier waves of the virus, you can just imagine a virus ripping through a densely populated, largely older population in a short period of time. And while we’ve learned a lot about how to care for COVID, it’s impossible to deliver that care when there’s just too many people needing it all at once,” Nuzzo said.
What’s more, research has shown the CoronaVac and Sinopharm vaccines, which China has been using, are less effective than the mRNA vaccines many Americans received. So it’s possible that even China’s fully vaccinated residents have lower immunity than those in the US.
Epidemic-prevention workers in protective suits stand outside a residential compound that is under lockdown amid outbreaks of COVID-19 in Beijing, China.
Thomas Peter/Reuters
“On the one hand, the [zero-COVID] policy is clearly heavy-handed, and certainly the Chinese people are reacting to that,” Neil Seghal, an assistant professor of health policy at the University of Maryland School of Public Health, told Insider, adding, “But on the other hand, it’s not clear that in the immediacy there is a good alternative.”
Not everyone agrees that lifting lockdowns would be catastrophic.
“I’m still not so sure whether policy relaxations are going to be immediately followed by mass die off in the country,” Yanzhong Huang, a senior fellow for global health at the Council on Foreign Relations, where he specializes in China, told Insider.
He argues the incoming COVID wave could bring fewer hospitalizations than some experts fear — low enough for the healthcare system to handle it.
As a result, Huang thinks the zero-COVID lockdowns are completely unwarranted. “If you really don’t have that many severe cases, why do you need this?” he said.
A woman gets tested at a nucleic acid testing site, following a COVID-19 outbreak in Shanghai, China.
Aly Song/Reuters
The key to avoiding a potentially catastrophic surge is increasing vaccinations among the most vulnerable.
China could use the time its lockdowns have bought to conduct fresh vaccine campaigns focused on people aged 80 years and older — but it hasn’t. The government could also approve and distribute a foreign-made mRNA vaccine — but it still hasn’t. Instead of using the Western mRNA vaccines that are already available, China’s government is trying to develop its own, according to The Washington Post.
“It’s a really vulnerable situation for China to be in,” Nuzzo said, adding, “Unless they really use this time to protect the population through vaccination, I just don’t understand how this is going to end well.”