A Good Reason for Large Families

One negative aspect of feminism that seems to only get lip service today is the decline in birth rates.  Today, large families are not the norm, and the birthrate is well below the population replacement rate.

According to populationeduction.org, “In 1800, most women in the U.S. had 7 children but that number has steadily decreased over the years, with the exception of the Baby Boom (when the U.S. fertility rate jumped to 3.62). In 2018, U.S. woman had 1.7 children on average.”

Economists keep warning us that the decline in birth rates is sure to have negative economic consequences.  But the married couples who are only having 1.7 children tend to say economics – the high cost of having and raising kids – is why they are choosing to have only 1.7 kids.

And this number isn’t expected to increase any time soon.  By the 2060s this replacement rate is projected to approach 1.6.

Catherine Pakaluk and the women she profiles in her book “Hannah’s Children,” however, are bucking this trend.  They say having a large family is terrific.  And most people from large families would agree.

A large family is truly a blessing in many ways.  But one, perhaps,  overlooked benefit of having many children – large families – is that when you are old, you’ll have someone (or many someones) to take care of you!

A Family Story

When my wife and I started having children I joked that I wanted a baseball team – nine boys.  We ended up having only three boys.  Today we both think we erred.  We both regret not having more children – or at least a couple of daughters!

Now I sometimes joke with my wife saying, “When you die there’ll be no one to bake me an apple pie or my favorite date nut bread.” She usually retorts with, “All I can say is you better not die before me because I won’t have anyone to do the heavy lifting!”

In full disclosure, I was the reason we didn’t have more kids.  With three boys in four years I felt a bit overwhelmed.  Coming from a family of just two kids (I have one sister who is 10 years older than I am), I was not ready for the chaos of three kids so close in age.  At three to two, I felt my wife and I were outnumbered!

My wife, however, is from a family of six.  She has two brothers and three sisters.  As such, she was better able to deal with the mayhem than I was.

More is Better

Because theirs is a large family, my wife and her five siblings were also able to share the responsibilities of caring for their 96-year-old mother, Lucille.  This is something most young couples do not consider when family planning.  The proverb “many hands make light work” applies.  It’s easier for four, five, or six adult children to care for elderly parents than it is for 1.7 adult children.

I do have to add that my mother-in-law, Lucille, was something of a marvel.  She was married for 51 years and was a widow for 26 years.  She lived alone, by choice, since my father-in-law passed away.

Lucille finally sold her car and stopped driving when she was 92 years of age. My sisters-in-law began grocery shopping for her, and every day one of them stopped by to visit, play cards with her, take her to bingo, take her to Mass on Sunday (yes, even at 96 years of age!), etc.  (My wife and I live in another state so we could not provide such daily assistance.)

A Broken Leg and Complications

Aside from occasional memory problems, Lucille’s health was excellent, Her only medications for most of her life were an occasional aspirin!  Recently, however, she fell and broke her leg.  She pressed the button on her Life Alert device and the paramedics got her to a hospital and contacted my sisters-in-law.

This event eventually necessitated re-thinking how to best care for Lucille.

As she underwent surgery for her broken leg and was beginning began physical therapy, my wife’s family determined Lucille could no longer live alone.  My wife’s brothers and sisters, however, were unable to take her into their homes for various reasons.  My wife and I were the only ones able to do so.

We knew caring for Lucille would probably not be easy.  It would also require rearranging a couple of rooms in our two-story house.  Our living room and dining room, for instance, would be her new ‘apartment’ since she would be unable to climb the stairs to the second floor.

Lucille was a good woman and a devout Catholic, but, as with most elderly people, she was very set in her ways.  She would most certainly miss her own furniture, other family members, familiar surroundings, and her independence.  This could make for some challenging situations, but we were certain God’s grace would see us through any rough patches.

Caring for Lucille would be a sacrifice on our part.  However, we were more than willing to make such a sacrifice.  God apparently had other plans however.

A Time to Mourn

As so often happens with the elderly, Lucille’s hospitalization led to complications.  A blocked colon led to another surgery and this was followed by pneumonia.  Breathing became difficult but morphine kept the pain bearable.

The surgeries were hard on Lucille and her humble and positive demeanor quickly ebbed.  Lucille finally said to her daughters, “I wish God would take me.”  She quietly passed away two days later while she slept, with my wife and two of her sisters keeping vigil in her hospital room.

Needless to say, my wife and her siblings were deeply saddened by their mother’s passing.  But they all took solace in knowing she had been a devout Catholic.  She just might have gone straight to heaven.

The Lessons of the Story

The lessons in this story are simple.  The primary purpose of marriage is procreation, and married couples should have as many kids as God wants to give them.  Children truly are a gift from God and a big family is a true blessing.

The second lesson is teach your children keep God’s Commandments, live the Beatitudes, and follow the teachings of the Catholic Church.    And set an example for your children by caring for (honoring) your own elderly parents.

Self-sacrifice is something that is not stressed a lot these days.  But just as Christ sacrificed Himself for us, parents sacrifice (or should) for their children.  In turn, children must be willing to sacrifice for their parents in their old age.  This is one of the ways we honor our fathers and our mothers.

As the Catechism says, “what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?”  And as a Sirach 3:2-4 says, “the Lord sets a father in honor over his children and confirms a mother’s authority over her sons.  Those who honor their father atone for sins; they store up riches who respect their mother.”

Take care of your parents in their old age, and, if you teach your children well well, your children will take care of you in your old age.

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